‘’I know of no more encouraging fact that the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour. ‘’
I recently talked at a Marketing event in Dublin and was surprised by the level of engagement with my talk. In our fast past corporate environments, self management and self reflection seem more relevant than ever.
I aimed to inspire an understanding of how the resource of self can be the solution.
SECTION 1:
Its time to start thinking about what you are actually doing and where you are actually going. We spend a lot of time running on the corporate treadmill and sometimes we are running so fast that personally we have no idea where we are trying to end up. Its important to occasionally step off the machine and reassess if 1) you are going in a direction you actually want to go and 2) if you are feeling in control of your progress.
The Social Paradigm- Understanding the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, our character and ability. - who is the person we believe we are? Is this true or have other people designed it for us?
Examples: Would the place really fall down if you left? Do they really have no idea how much work you are doing or is that a lie you tell yourself? Do you really not have a moment or are your priorities confused? People love to tell us who we are, comment on our character and abilities, ‘you’re so responsible’, ‘you’re very shy’, ‘you are so busy’. We also pick up characteristics from our environments, a Father who shouted when he didn't get what he wanted until he did can often lead us to think that is acceptable behaviour and we find ourselves exhibiting the same kind of behaviour which becomes positively reinforced by people giving in to us.
These stories about ourselves are absolutely fine until they begin to trip us up and prevent us progressing in our careers or general life.
Where are we convinced they come from?
Determinism:
-Genetic: My Grandparents did it to me. ‘My father and grandfather had a short temper and so do I, I can't help it, it’s just the way I am. Its not my fault if I can't help exploding at people sometimes.’
-Psychic: My Parents and childhood did it to me. ‘I was the middle child of seven children and never had the opportunity to have an opinion, I just had to go along with the crowd, it’s not my fault i’m a bad decision maker’.
-Environmental: My boss is doing it to me. ‘Im micromanaged so I never get the chance to do any good work which shows my ability. I also don't get paid enough so I can't do anything fun anymore, its not my fault I’ve changed’.
The Reality: Stimulus and Response.
As humans our greatest power is the ‘freedom of choice’ which happen between stimulus and response.. Lifts us above any animal species- independent will, conscience, imagination and self-awareness.
Stimulus -> Choice-> Reaction.
We have the ability not to react on autopilot to a certain stimulus, we have the ability to choose how we want to react.
Eg. You rely on Nuala to write you a press release three times a week. Every time she annoys you by asking you ten questions and having no confidence in her ability. You just have to see her shift in her chair and you know she's coming over, the blood pressure goes up and the jaw tightens. You, through gritted teeth, answer her questions but it effects your mood for the rest of the day. Nuala is the stimulus and you have an automatic bodily response. You however have the ability to disrupt this cycle. Choose a different response. Eg. Hi Nuala, you did a great job last week, I was so happy with it and I'm under so much pressure today that I'm going to have to trust you to do this alone this week. I’ll read over it five minutes before it goes live. Eg. Hi Nuala, I have a free ten minutes at 3pm, I will call over to you then and go through the best frame work to use. Im afraid I'm tied up until then. Take control of the situation and stop allowing your mood and emotions be dictated by someones else weakness.
Take home 1: The reality is not predetermined. As human beings, we are responsible for our own lives, our behaviour is a function of our decisions not our conditions.
SECTION 2
Proactive Vs Reactive:
The pro-active Person: Examples and characteristics in the work place. ‘Their behaviour is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feelings’.
The Re-active person: Examples and characteristics in the work place. ‘Reactive people build their emotional lives around the behaviour of others, empowering the weakness of other people to control them’.
Many people wait for something to happen or someone to care of them. But people who end up with the good jobs are the proactive one who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves, who seize initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with the correct principles, to get the job done.
Take home 2: Language is Key!
Listen to your language!
The language of reactive people absolves them of responsibility.
Eg. That’s me, thats just the way I am! (My emotional life is governed by something outside of my control). Vs. I can choose another approach and try something different.
Proactive: I can try, I should learn, I will ask, I will read….
Reactive: I don’d have, if only, I wish, I don't know.
Reactive Language is a self fulfilling Prophecy.
SECTION 3:
How do we take control of our journey and stop being dictated by others and events?
The Circle of Concern Vs Circle of Influence.
An examination of where we focus our time and energy.
Light blue circle, all the things we concern ourselves with but have no control or indirect control over us. If we focus on them it begins to squash down and weaken the inner blue circle which represents the things we do have control over, the internal things including freedom of choice which is in our power. When we begin to focus on the inner dark blue, what we can influence and control, we stop worrying so much about all the things we can't control.
Direct: I want to lose weight, if I stop having a take way every day I can do it.
Indirect control: I want someone to come to an event, instead of just sending a Facebook invite I will ring them myself and ask them personally.
No control : my parents are getting a divorce, my manager is complete incompetent. Important the no control issues in our life do not blind us, that we have the ability still to see the other good things around us and do not become overwhelmed by these issues which we cannot do anything about.
Take Home 3: The One week Challenge.
Work on you- the things you have control over. vListen to your language (I don't have, I can’t, if only). Pick a known reactive situation and test it out.
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